Sometimes I wonder if my boss really likes me.
Other times, like when he wanders into my office for no other reason than to pat me on the head, I’m pretty sure he does.
A few things I want to share:
1. My department recently acquired additional office space. It’s in the same building, but on a different floor. (They call it “the first floor,” but they can’t fool me. I can still see the fallout shelter sign above the stairwell.) It’s just one big office divided into cubicles, and everyone who works on our other two (above ground) floors thinks it’s wonderful and fancy. But trust me, with the mortar block walls and exposed piping above our heads, it’s not.
ANYWAY, we’ve been slowly receiving all the supplies we need for gloomy basement working since we moved down there a couple months ago. This includes trash cans and recycling bins. But for some reason, the number of recycling bins has been growing exponentially since we moved in. It started with one bin in a central location; then there was the one centrally located bin, plus one in each cubicle; then one appeared next to the copier; then there were two centrally located bins. Then one day I left work with a trash can and tiny recycling bin in my cube and returned the next day to find that the recycling bin had apparently consumed the trash can and tripled in size. I’m a little afraid that I’ll get to work one day to find that all the cubicle walls have been replaced with stacks of recycling bins.
I get it, institution of employment, you want me to recycle. Enough already.
2. People who run while wearing backpacks look funny. Especially when they do the “I’m trying not to look like I’m running, I’m actually just walking quickly” run.
3. For the past couple weeks, a woman has been on my bus every day. She gets on three stops after me, and I’ve noticed her presence because she flags down the bus every day like it’s a taxi and might pass her up if she doesn’t announce her intention to ride. She then gets on and tells the bus driver where she plans to get off. I’ve also noticed her because she always talks to the person next to her when she sits down, forcing this person to smile politely and nod until they have the good fortune to get off the bus. This has been a bit of daily amusement for me.
Until today.
Today there was an empty seat next to me. And when she got on, I thought, “Dear God, please do not let her sit next to me.” And as she stood by me, hesitating, looking for seats farther back on the bus, I thought, “Please, Lord, I’ve been good lately. I did Lent. I’m a good person, right? Please don’t let her sit next to me.” And you know, I’ve found that God answers every one of my prayers.
Sadly, sometimes the answer is no.
Sometimes He feels I need to smile politely and nod while someone tells me about how she thought the two shades of gray she’s wearing matched better.
4. I think we need to reevaluate our New Year holiday. I think it should be in the spring. No one’s motivated to make changes in their life in the dead of winter. But spring is when the weather is changing, things are blooming, life is beginning anew. It’s a much better time to make resolutions, I think.
Who’s with me?
Ok, actually, no one demanded this, and it’s not actually BACK, per se, as I’ve never done one on this blog. It’s more of a carry-over from my last blog. Oh well, here it is…..
A Happy List!
(I should explain for those of you who are not familiar: I have a book entitled 14,000 Things to be Happy About (grammatically incorrect with that preposition at the end, but I guess 14,000 Things About Which You Should be Happy is a little tedious), and in true copycat fashion, I stole the idea a while back and started periodically making lists of things that make me happy. Maybe someday I’ll reach 14,000. The end.)
So here we go….
A Few Things to be Happy About:
- Apples
- The happy little sound that Entourage makes when it sends or receives an email. I imagine it being REALLY excited about what it’s done…much like a dog who carries a dead bird to the front porch and then looks at you as if to say, “Look! Look what I brought you! Impressive, no?”
- Singing Spanish techno
- Naps
- Chipotle rice
- Sharing something that bugs you and realizing you’re not the only one
- The fact that my boss has decided to speak with a British accent today (he’s from Ohio)
- The dictionary.com daily crossword puzzle
- Using the word wild as a synonym for great or awesome
- The world clock
- Popcorn
- The end of Lent.
- People who quote “Dazed and Confused” - “It’d be a lot cooler if you did, man.”
It’s Saturday, and my supervisor has asked me to come to work for a few hours. We are the only people in the building, and our office is in the basement. I’ve just stepped outside to make a phone call, and I make a bit of noise as I reenter our cubicled office and shut the door. It startles my paranoid supervisor, who cannot see the door from her cube.
Supervisor: “Kim? Is that you?”
Me: “. . . Yes.”
Supervisor: “Oh good.”
Me: “Sorry to scare you. Probably should have announced myself when I came back in.”
Pause.
Supervisor: “This is just like a scene in a horror movie . . . except we’d both have much bigger breasts.”
Casey: What are you saying?
You think you can take me?
Me: Pretty sure, yes.
Casey: I don’t know.
We may have to rumble again.
Me: If you think you’re up to it…after your last beating.
Casey: Hmmm.
I think you might be mistaken.
Remember that trip to the dentist to set your jaw?
I did that.
Me: Oh yeah? Remember having to get your shoulder relocated? That was me.
Casey: Bah.
That was nothing.
I do that for fun.
Me: Well, I know the testicle retrieval procedure was painful for you.
Casey: Oh, did your gynecologist ever get back to you on whether they could save your ovaries?
Me: All is well with the ovaries. I was wearing ovary protection clothing as Caroline suggested. I did, however, hear your bad news. I’m really sorry you’re infertile now. I seriously didn’t think I kicked you that hard.
Casey: That’s ok, I saved some sperm and now I don’t have to worry about getting anyone preggers.
Me: Oh, good.
I gave up sweets and caffeine for Lent this year. As a soda and cookie addict, this is kind of a big deal.
I just came across an episode of Unwrapped on the Food Network. It was about candy. They were making Snickers. Two minutes into watching it, I had the following thought: “This is like porn to me right now.”
Only 13 days to go.
Me: “So the GGV will generate a new EID?”
Coworker: “Yes.”
Boss: “That question was in English?”
I have this problem. I worry. About everything.
OK, not EVERYTHING. But I worry about absurd things. Like how I sound when I’m on a work related phone call. It’s not the person on the other end I’m worried about. It’s the coworkers who could be listening to my side of the conversation. I know they don’t really care. I know they’re not listening. BUT WHAT IF THEY ARE?
And this problem is compounded by the fact that the worrying doesn’t stop when the worrisome incident is over. No, I drag it out by over analyzing the situation. I play it all back in my head, thinking of all the times I looked or sounded like an idiot, feeling my stomach drop again at the particularly embarrassing bits, and wishing I could crawl into a hole and forget the whole thing ever happened.
And here’s another thing that makes my problem worse: my ears turn bright red when I’m nervous or embarrassed. I feel it when it happens, and then I become more embarrassed because it’s clear that I’m embarrassed, thereby causing my ears to turn a brighter shade of red. (This is what you call a vicious cycle.) AND THEN, during the over analyzing process, my ears turn red again when I think about how red they were when I was embarrassed. (Vicious, vicious cycle.)
And now, if you’ll excuse me, the adrenaline rush, and subsequent crash, caused by embarrassment has left me in serious need of a nap.
(Also, for the record, job interviews with people you know can be way worse than job interviews with strangers.)
