I wonder if I could construct something which would divert the flow of warm air coming out of the side of my laptop so that it would blow directly at me, specifically onto my ice cold hands, because I apparently work in a frozen, nether tundra of my office building.
It’s 12:20am, and my neighbor is playing “Hotel Song” by Regina Spektor.
He’s gotten into this habit lately, this playing music at all hours habit. Last week, he was playing music at 3:30am. And let’s be honest here: when I can still recognize the music after it’s been muffled by wood, insulation, and a couple layers of drywall, it’s probably at an inappropriate volume for any time between 11:00pm and 7:00am.
And I’ve noticed that he tries to be very hip with his music choices (with the exception of Regina Spektor, which is getting a tad bit mainstream for your typical hipster). We’re talking skinny pants and aviator glasses hip. We’re talking experimental electronic music with a childlike female voice hip.
So I’ve devised a plan to counteract his hipness.
This plan includes the following selections from my music library, in no particular order:
Being able to rub in to the promiscuous bisexual coworker that I already know the attractive student in the short skirt with whom she desperately wants to flirt.
(And knowing that the attractive student in the short skirt isn’t as impressive when you actually speak to her.)
The stupid, idiot woman called me “sir”.
Knowing more about something than the annoying coworker (henceforth to be known as ACW). It leaves me with a happy, self-satisfied feeling for the rest of the day.
(I’m a terrible person.)
1. I saw some people today with a sign that said:
“Need Prayer”
Just like that. No punctuation.
To the sign people: What does it mean? Are you asking me IF I need prayer? Are you telling me that I SHOULD need prayer? Because if it’s the latter, that’s not really something I have a choice about, is it? I can’t just go out and make myself need prayer.
2. To the obnoxious caller: Don’t get irritated with me if I don’t want to look up the answer to your question while I’m eating my lunch.
3. To our office neighbors: Don’t give me a disgusted look for making a normal amount of noise coming down the stairs when you’re conducting an official meeting at a table IN THE HALLWAY.
4. To the annoying coworker: I do not need to know where you are in your menstrual cycle.
My office is connected to our department “resource room,” which is a fancy name for the room where we keep books and have staff gatherings involving food. I suppose it could also be called a library. But it’s not. So don’t call it a library. Because those books aren’t actually books. They’re resources.
Students often come to the resource room to study / use their laptops and the university’s free wireless to check Facebook and chat on Gmail / have cell phone conversations about how they’re mad at a certain friend because she didn’t wish them a happy birthday.
But there’s one guy who comes in, sits at the head of the giant table, spreads out all his work in front of him, and then turns sideways in his chair and stares into space. Usually he’s holding a stack of flashcards from his language class, but never is he looking at them. Today he’s turned so he can stare out the window. Friday he was turned so that he was staring in the general direction of my office. This generally lasts for about an hour and a half.
He doesn’t say anything. He’s not disruptive in any way. But for some unknown reason, he bugs me. With his aimless staring.
I wish he would stop.
So last week, Yellow Turtle tagged me to do a meme.
Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules here
3. Share 7 random or weird facts about yourself
4. Tag 7 random people at the end of the post, linking to them.
5. Leave a comment on their blog so that they know they’ve been tagged.
So here we go:
- I hate Radiohead. I don’t know why. I know they fit in with a lot of the other music I listen to, and I’ve tried really hard to like them. Really, I have. But I can’t. As I’ve discussed with Yellow Turtle before (but don’t mention to her that I’m bringing it up again), often when my Pandora station plays something I don’t like, I think, “What is this shit?” and then switch to that tab to find that it’s Radiohead.
- I find the novelty of cowboy boots to be a bit odd. I’ve heard more than a few people say that they’re “thinking about” buying a pair of boots, like they’d think about buying a car. And then they do price comparisons, ask around about the best place to make their purchase, etc. A coworker told me yesterday that she paid to have her boots polished by some guy in the mall - I mean, dropped them off, went to do her shopping, and then picked them up later. I wanted to ask why she couldn’t just buy some polish and do it at home. I guess this stems from the fact that I grew up around people who wear boots on a daily basis, not because it’s fashionable, but because it’s the most practical shoe for them to wear. (Now reread this paragraph and replace cowboy boots with cowboy hat…except disregard the sentence about getting the boots polished. No one would get their hat polished.)
- Apparently, in 90% humidity, any styling I do to my hair will fall limp the second I walk outside. (Suggestions about products that will hold but not make my hair stiff are more than welcome.)
- As an extension of the previous fact, I am almost completely inept when it comes to solving these grooming problems on my own.
- A few weeks ago, my friends and I got tattoos. Mine is piano keys. Theirs are sprites of Nintendo characters.
- At work I have two bosses, two offices, two computers, two phone numbers. It’s flippin’ confusing.
- I think Dr. Pepper tastes about 10 times better in a bottle than in a can. Conversely, I think Pepsi tastes about 10 times better in a can than in a bottle. No idea why.
I refuse to tag anyone else to do this. No, I’m not protesting memes. I’m protesting the fact that my tagger tagged all my potential taggees.
