Academia

Libby: “I like reading about physics in the news and stuff. Like the Hadron Colander.”

Rebel

“I had a friend in high school who was really into that and wore the shirts with Confederate flags on them. She’d get really upset if anyone got offended by it. She’d say, ‘It’s just Southern pride…’

“…And it was really weird because her parents were from Pennsylvania.”

Self evaluation

Me: “Do I do my job well? Do I exceed expectations? Or do I just meet expectations?”

Caroline: “Kim.”

Me: “Caroline.”

Caroline: “The only way you could exceed expectations is if you danced ALL DAY. That’s what they’re looking for here. They don’t tell you, but I know the secret.”

Me: “Oh, I see. So I meet expectations?”

Caroline: “Unless you’re dancing while filling this out.”

Me: “Because I dance part of the day, but not all of it.”

Caroline: “Ah. Yeah, meets. Sorry.”

Me: ” Would I be somewhere in between?”

Caroline: “Maybe ‘almost exceeds?’”

Me: “I see.”

Caroline: “Maybe ‘tries to exceed?’”

Me: “Yeah.”

Caroline: “‘Tries her darndest.’”

Me: “So I’ll put “I try my darndest to exceed expectations, but I’m unsuccessful because I do not dance all day.’”

Caroline: “Yes!”

Me: “Ok, thanks for your help. I know what to put now.”

Filing cabinet seeks new home

My boss sent out this email a while back:

“Single, 5-drawer vertical filing cabinet, beige, seeks LTR with appreciative staff member.  Turn-ons include filing, organization, and storage. Turn-offs include long walks on the beach and getting wet.”

True love?

“The dog and I somehow just drank out of my water bottle at the same time.”

“How did you manage that?”

“I’m not sure, but it was a new level of strange and gross for me.”

“But you let the dog lick you on the mouth.”

“Yeah, but that’s different.”

“How so?”

“. . .We’re in love.”

Kinky.

After receiving a particularly snarky comment from me…

Boss: “Shut up. You still work for me. I can still put you over my knee.”

It’s not a good sign when the conversation reaches this point:

“…So…I bought myself a can of soup.”

No idea what this has to do with business administration.

Overheard: “Yes, I’ve said that so many times…and I know what I’m talking about when I say, ‘because urine has to be cultured…’”

I really do like animals.

I’m feeling a little guilty for considering posting photos in my cubicle that I took at a rodeo for no other reason than that my boss is currently on a rampage about animal cruelty at rodeos and I want to see her turn red.

Whoops

The problem with cleaning up your desk: you no longer look like you’re swamped with work.